Mother’s Day is this Sunday, yet it is not on Mother’s Day that I most often think of my mother, it is every ordinary day of the year that I think of her, every day when I so badly wish I could share with her what I am doing, what I am wearing, where I am going.

When she died from metastatic lung cancer in 2004 I was only 46, newly divorced with two teenagers, struggling emotionally and struggling to make ends meet. Things are so different now, if she only knew.

For those of you who also have lost your mother, don’t you wish you could have one more conversation, one more phone call, one more visit? I would even settle for writing her a letter if I knew she would receive my words…

….Mom, you would be so proud, I am a partner of a successful, growing nursing company and travel to New York almost every week. I think of you so often when walking down Madison and Fifth Avenue…The Carlyle Hotel, Zitomer Pharmacy, Zabar’s – all those places you took me to.  At the time I could not afford a package of crackers at Zabar’s, now I shop regularly in SoHo!

….Mom, I write a weekly blog, it’s named after you, called “Ginger-Bred”!!! Isn’t that a great name? Many lessons you taught me I share in the blog – mostly about dressing well, but other things too – remember we always said you should write a book?   We said the title should be ‘Ginger Knows Everything’!

….Mom, Peter and I got married, I am now Candy Costas. He is such an incredible person. I never imagined that I could be this happy or that such a person existed (besides dad).  Hayley and Brad love him and we have so much fun together!

…Mom, I remember that you always were glad when the holidays were over, and life went “back to normal”. You made our holidays so beautiful for so many years, I did not understand why you wanted them to end…WELL, I DO NOW! So much darn work, such chaos! It’s time for new traditions, whatever they may be.

…Mom, you always said life was like a hill, the top was at age 50, all downhill from there. No, mom, not for me it isn’t…while you and I have a lot in common, a lot is very different. I really enjoy my work, I love traveling (for work and with Peter), and at 59 I feel sexy as ever.

…Mom, I am a grandmother!!! Henry and Emily call me ‘Gigi’, and Peter is ‘Papou’. You would have been great-grandma, but no, you will always be ‘Meema’ to all of us. Meema wearing the yellow rubber gloves…

Sigh.

If only we could send messages to those who are no longer with us…If only there was a special social media for that! While I am not very religious, after writing this post I will be looking for signs that Ginger is somehow aware. Maybe a red bird on a tree branch…in front of the Ralph Lauren store on Madison Ave? 😉

What would you tell your mom?