Love and Marriage

Ginger and Mike, married over 40 years; Kennebunk Beach, ME
Ginger and Mike, married over 40 years;
Kennebunk Beach, ME

Regardless of how old we are, we all want to be in a loving relationship. Whether you are 18 or 81 there is a natural desire to be considered attractive and have a romantic partner…..It is nurturing, actually contributes to overall better health, and just makes you feel good – both emotionally and physically… even affects your ‘energy’ doing routine daily life activities when you are in a loving relationship.

How about marriage?? Do we all want to be married or is this more a function of age? A recent Harris Poll online survey indicated that 50% of baby boomers still consider marriage ‘very important’, another 25% ‘important’……interesting if you think about the climbing divorce rate and the number of middle aged married people not especially happy. Perhaps this speaks to our feelings about commitment and/or some religious beliefs. So many people just accept a bad marriage, year after year – really, there are always choices: work on it – end it – take a lover! HELLLOOOO???? You think I am condoning infidelity? Not really, certainly NOT the best option….BUT….it really seems much more of a ‘crime’ to waste one’s life in misery….Once you hit 50, one’s mortality becomes clearer and you realize that life really is short – do you really want to live your life without love – without someone that truly wants to be with you and thinks you are great? Just sayin’………

My parents had a wonderful marriage (not without their share of challenges) based on common traditional values. She ran the household, he worked, and they had a strong social network in the Armenian community…..Ginger was definitely considered “high maintenance” but my dad was easy going and it made him happy to see her happy… for me, I am in marriage #2 (see blog post “Reflection”) and happier than ever. Getting married in my middle years was not important to me, but going on four years later, I am without a doubt thrilled to be “Mrs. Costas”.   I certainly do not pretend to be an expert on this subject, but here are some lessons learned through the years:

– Nothing gets better without putting in effort and energy. Continue to go on dates with your spouse!
– Look for everyday reasons to celebrate each other – don’t wait for birthdays to light a few candles….
Always make an effort to look your best (you knew that was coming, right?).
– Exercise together – double benefit, you stay in shape, while doing something together.
– Support each others interests/hobbies. Maybe try a new one….
– Socialize with other happy couples!
– Schedule sex. Sounds unromantic, but better than no sex!!

Our wedding favor! August 16, 2011
Our wedding favor, August 16, 2011

When I met Peter in 2003, he was not a dancer, yet I loved to dance – now he is a blast on the dance floor….he was an avid skier, I had not skied since my twenties – now I can do expert trails and also have cool ski clothes!….I had never thrown a football in my life – he taught me how to throw a spiral and we regularly play on every beach vacation….thus the football wedding favor!

OK LADIES – let’s hear from YOU……thoughts on love and marriage?????

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  • 40 years married this April coming. Years have been great, good, not so great and pretty bad! Through it all you grow and develop levels of love that are unforeseeable in the early years and then cherished as they become the new norm! Some days you wake up and love them other days you wake up and like them and some days still you wake up not liking them AT ALL! But it is the days you wake up loving them that have the strongest power, the staying power, the warm your heart and sole power… But most of all with all this was when I learned to truly love myself that the love of the relationship grew leaps and bounds! Happy Valentine’s Day Candy! You are such an inspiration!!!



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